Whether or not they intended to upset you, their disapproval hurts.

By Nancy Mattia
July 16, 2019
Milkos / Getty Images

Every wedding's got them-relatives who monitor each element of your big day and, without being asked, give their opinion. More often than not, what they have to say isn't pretty. "Kale salad with the entrées? Nobody will eat it!" "You're going to wear your mom's wedding dress? It'll look dated." So much for having your back! But you don't have to suffer through their negativity. Here are a couple of solutions.

Don't ask for their opinion.

You may be trying to be polite or inclusive, but they're using your kindness to push their own agendas. Maybe Aunt Doris, the mother of boys, sees this as her only chance to plan the wedding she always wanted if she'd had a daughter. When you ask her if she prefer apricot or blush roses, she says "yellow daffodils," and then proceeds to tell you why roses are wrong and daffodils are right. Don't offer her a platform. The fewer openings you give negative or pushy people, the better.

Be confident in your decisions.

Your toxic relatives may be waiting to see a small crack in your confidence while you're talking about wedding planning. When you say you hope nobody minds that you're just serving wedding cake for dessert instead of a large dessert table as a way to save money, you hear, "People will think our family is cheap!" to "When your cousin Cindy got married, she had the wedding cake plus cupcakes, a candy bar, and an ice cream sundae station." The lesson here is to not seek approval from someone unlikely to give it. Vow to only confide in a few supportive pals.

Ask your relatives to avoid passing on others' negative comments.

It's like playing the Mean Girls' version of the game Telephone. People are critical of your decisions and feed them to your mother because they know it'll bother her and she'll repeat them to you. Ask her to avoid sharing everyone's negative input because you're happy with the decisions you're making.

Ignore them.

That's easier said than done, but it does work. Remind yourself that you'll never make everyone happy so aim for yourself and the majority of guests.


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