Here's what to consider based on three specific scenarios.

By Lauren Katims
May 29, 2019

Feeling restless the night before your wedding isn't uncommon-it's an emotional and exciting time. That's why it's important to determine who will be able to steer your focus off the wedding and onto getting a good night of sleep. "Each couple wants to create the most calming situation," says Gabriela Sousa, owner of Gabriela Sousa Events. For some couples, that's spending the night together, adding a layer of normalcy to an extraordinary weekend. Others take the more traditional route and sleep separately, building the suspense for a big reveal.

The good news is that there is no wrong choice; it all depends on what kind of vibe you want to set for the next morning. Whatever feels calming to you-whether it's a sleepover with girlfriends, hanging out with your mom, or cuddling up with your husband-to-be-you can still make the night a memorable one. Use these scenarios to decide if the pros outweigh the cons and spending the night with your fiancé is right for you.


You already live together.

What better way to get a good night's sleep than maintaining the same bedtime routine you always do? If you already live together, spending the night with your soon-to-be husband will feel natural, a definite pro. Oftentimes, the comfort of routine is what you need to stay grounded during all the excitement, nerves, and anticipation from the weekend, says Sousa. On the other hand, if you're looking for that wow factor during an emotional reveal, spending the night together may feel too much like your regular routine. Sleeping apart helps to build anticipation, says Emily Sullivan, owner of Emily Sullivan Events. "There is a certain excitement when you haven't seen each other," she says.

You have a large wedding party.

On the pro side, spending the night with your fiancé means stepping away from the hustle and bustle, which can be especially appealing when you have a large wedding party. "It can be sentimental the night before," says Sullivan, who suggests enjoying the quiet time that you may not be able to get on the night of the wedding. Create intimacy through reminiscing about your first meeting, exchanging gifts, and discussing the significance of this time in your lives. "What a great night to reflect on who you've chosen to marry, the vows you are going to make, the rituals you are going to be building as a couple," says Carrie Hammond, a therapist with Colorado Couples and Family Therapy. Hammond and her team recommend taking some alone time to reflect on these milestones in private.

There are cons, too. You'll miss a lot of laughs with your girlfriends, sharing stories about past relationships that didn't work, and what was going on in your life when you met your future spouse, says Sousa. Although, if you part ways the next morning to get ready, you'll have the chance to spend quality time with your girls while getting pampered.

You're having a destination wedding.

Spending the night together, as you might do often, will inherently feel special during your destination wedding weekend because you've separated yourselves from your regular lives. Sousa recommends parting ways after breakfast if you'd like to build anticipation before the reveal. Plus, since there's no home base, you're saving money by sharing one room, versus paying for two suites, or having one of you crash with friends or family, which could mean a sleepless night on a pull-out couch.

As for the cons, the early-morning feeling of anticipation when you wake up and eagerly await seeing your soon-to-be spouse is a special and unique sensation. Hammond recommends letting yourself briefly process the significance of the day in private, which often leads to an even more emotional reveal.



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