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Healthy Ways to Handle Conflict During Your Engagement

There's a right way and a wrong way to fight.

Contributing Writer
Couple Arguing Outside
Photography by: Getty Images

Being engaged is one of the happiest times of your life, but it can also be one of the hardest. When you're so busy planning all the details of your big day, it might feel like it's easier to overlook conflict—whether it's with your fiancé, family, or bridal party—than to confront it head on. While the ability to let things go is an important skill to have, you shouldn't run away from any serious problems. If you've identified a real issue that needs to be addressed, follow our tips for handling conflict like a pro.

 

Related: Mindless Habits That Are Strengthening Your Relationship

 

Keep every fight fair.

Fighting is inevitable in any relationship, be it with your future husband or your mom. However, there is a way to manage conflict that is actually effective. If you "fight" with some basic guidelines in mind, you are more likely to grow from the experience. Ways to fight fairly include remaining calm, being specific about the problem, dealing with one issue at a time, avoiding accusations, not bringing up the past, and avoiding name-calling. Don't be ashamed of fighting in your relationship—it's very normal. With time and work, fights will likely become shorter in duration, less frequent, and less intense.

 

Remember that comparison is the thief of joy.

Comparison is such a dangerous temptation. With social media, it is very easy to gaze into a couple's life and make assumptions about their level of happiness. Remember that every couple is different! Yes, "her husband cooks dinner every night," but maybe your fiancé just mowed the lawn. Again, every partner is gifted in different ways and expresses love uniquely. Replace comparison with gratitude when you can.

 

Communicate the problem clearly.

Communication really is the key to overcoming any issue. While handling conflict, make sure you are clear and direct with what you are saying. You might not realize it, but crossing your arms and giving the silent treatment is still communicating—and it's extremely disrespectful to your partner, parents, friends, or wedding planner. When you're talking through an issue, take everything one step at a time and try to focus on what the real problem is.