The Best (and Worst) Ways to React When a Friend Gets Engaged
Questions you should and shouldn't ask after she tells you she said yes.
The highly anticipated moment has finally arrived: Your close friend just got engaged! Chances are, you'll want to ask her endless questions about the proposal, the ring, and the wedding plans. But is that polite? Here's how you should (and shouldn't) react to the news.
Do Express the Right Emotion
As soon as your friend (or family member) announces her engagement, you'll feel a range of emotions. You may be happy, excited, maybe even a little melancholy, but there's also a chance you'll feel jealous or upset, especially if you aren't superfond of the fiancé. No matter if your feelings are positive or negative, give your pal the reaction she deserves by sharing her enthusiasm. Don't spoil the moment with a lecture or tirade--and never criticize the ring!
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Don't Pester Her With Endless Questions
Naturally, you'll want to hear every detail about the upcoming wedding. But if your friend is newly engaged, she probably hasn't begun planning anything yet. Don't induce anxiety by making her ponder the tiniest details of the ceremony ("What song will you walk down the aisle to?" and reception ("Have you booked a baker yet?). Keep your questions general for now ("What season are you thinking of getting married in?") and avoid asking anything too deep ("Are your parents happy about this?") She'll share the details when she's ready!
Do Offer to Help
Your pal probably feels intimidated about all the preparation ahead. To relieve some of her stress, offer to take on a wedding-related task-even if you aren't officially a bridesmaid. She may appreciate you sending her a list of vendors your sister used for her wedding six months ago or offering to proofread her engagement announcement. Even if she turns you down, she'll appreciate the gesture.
Don't Expect to Be In the Bridal Party
If you have a close relationship with the bride, it's easy to assume you'll be a bridesmaid-or even the maid of honor. But maybe she wants a small group of bridesmaids, or maybe she's sticking with family only. Don't put her in an awkward situation by taking for granted that you're a shoo-in.
If your friend doesn't end up including you in the wedding party, try not to show offense or create drama. Instead, let her know you're happy to help out with wedding preparations, and make yourself available for emotional and moral support.
Do Keep the Conversation About Her
When she's around, you may notice that all conversation suddenly revolves around the wedding. It's natural to feel envious, especially if you're still searching for your own Mr. Right. Instead of trying to change the subject, though, embrace it. After all, when it's your turn to be engaged, you'll want others to share your enthusiasm.
Don't Give Too Much Advice
Even if you've attended a gazillion weddings and consider yourself an expert on the subject, keep your opinions and advice in check. While she may appreciate your insights, she may feel overwhelmed with too much advice. A know-it-all is annoying too.
Also, don't critique her wedding plans in a negative manner. Just because you would never have a destination wedding on the beach doesn't mean you friend shouldn't. It's her wedding, not yours.