Sometimes, it happens. Life gets in the way and unforeseen events or unexpected fights place you in a difficult situation. You couldn't have predicted it at the time the invitation was sent, but now things have gotten too hot to handle with someone you've already invited to the wedding. So, is it ever okay to go back on an invitation? The short answer: No. Generally, we advise against un-inviting anyone to any party, except under the rarest of circumstances (your venue floods, say, and you have to downsize to your living room). But if you've sent the save-the-date, received the RVSP, and now you're truly not sure you want the person at your big day, what can you do? Loverly has a few tips for navigating these tough questions when relationships change.
1. Think Long and Hard
While your relationship with this person may have recently changed—and dramatically—there was something that made them very important to you only a short time ago. Are the events of recent days so traumatic that you would like to formally reject their presence at your wedding? Remember that your nuptials are a once-in-a-lifetime event, and if that person isn't present on your big day, there isn't a do-over. Be sure your decision is lasting and final before moving forward with a change of heart.
2. Consult with Your Trusted Few
We all have a tendency to make impulsive decisions, and with the stress and anxiety of planning a wedding, it's common for tensions to run high. Avoid gossiping about the person you are arguing with, but do take solace in the advice of close friends or family. Explain to them how the events have made you feel, and ask what they would do in your shoes. Weigh their opinions carefully, take time to think it over, and then proceed with caution.
3. Attempt to Talk It Out
If the person who has wronged you is a much loved friend or a family member, it's almost always worth trying to salvage the relationship. Take some time to gather your thoughts, and once you are calm, approach them delicately and discuss how you are feeling. See if the two of you can come to some sort of resolution before you decide to cut them out of the wedding.
4. Be True To Yourself
In the event that you do decide to move forward with an "un-invitation," remember to have the poise and class that will make you proud of your behavior long into the future. Do not turn this into an opportunity to explain how the person has wronged you, simply state your decision and stick with it. And most importantly—this is not a time for email or text. If you're brave enough to rescind on an invitation, you need to be brave enough to handle it face-to-face, or at the very least—over the phone.