On the day a woman gets married, guests know to follow the everything-is-magical script. Her dress is spectacular! Her custom vows worthy of crowd-sobbing! Her reception meal five stars! And her future? It's going to be awesome. So we can't understand it when guests mess with her happiness by complaining, being snarky, or asking nosy questions that day. Didn't they get the memo? In case they didn't, here are a few examples of things better left unsaid.
"I don't like where I'm sitting—can I move to Table 10?"
The seating plan took such careful calculation, algorithms were practically involved. So no, you can't sit at Table 10 or anywhere else because that would make the whole seating plan go up in flames. Even if you're sitting right by the kitchen door or a drone is flying above your head, sit down and don't gripe to the bride. If your tablemates are duds, spend most of your time on the dance floor—that's where all the action is anyway.
"How could you invite [fill in name of the guest's ex] to the wedding?"
Maybe because he and the groom are close friends? Just like you have no say in the seating plan, you also have no say in the guest list. Did you really think only one of you would be invited? If you're uncomfortable at the thought of running into him, he's probably feeling the same way and isn't planning a reunion hug either. Stay with your people. Eat. Dance. Drink. And forget he's there.
"When are you having kids?"
Really? You're asking this of a couple so newly married, they still have rice in their hair. It would be more gracious to stay in the moment and enjoy the wedding, and don't put the bride on the spot. You'll find out if and when she gets knocked up: She'll either call you with the news or, if you're not that close (hint, hint), you'll find out when she posts it on Facebook.
"My cousin wore the same dress as you at her wedding six months ago!"
Even if she bought her dress off-the-rack and knows that there are hundreds, if not thousands, of other brides with the same strapless ball gown as hers, she wants to feel like the dress was designed with her in mind. Don't kill the fantasy. Besides, with her hairstyle, makeup, and accessories, she really is creating a unique look, so no two brides will ever be the same, even when they're gown twinsies.
"I never liked [fill in the name of the groom] but he's growing on me."
Since you're so iffy about him, thank goodness you're not the one who married him! Keep your opinion to yourself and your comments limited to "I wish you lots of happiness." And mean it.