Wedding planning stresses can add up when you and your fiancé are working together to make major decisions about the details of your special day. From selecting a color palette, to picking a venue, to hiring a caterer, and even drafting the guest list, prewedding bliss can seem more like a test of patience and fortitude at times—and even cause conflict with each other. But if you do disagree about an element of your big day—don't freak out. You're not headed for divorce! These real-life couples weigh in on what created discourse before their "I do's," and how they swiftly resolved it.
5 Reasons Why Arguing Can Actually Be Good for Your Relationship
Who to invite
Caitlin, 29, wanted a small wedding—mostly immediate family—but her fiancé Nathan wanted many more to come celebrate. "He is still friends with people he's been friends with since he was 11 or 12," Caitlin says. "So he grew up knowing a lot of their parents and he really wanted to invite [them]." But Caitlin argued that more people equals more spending. "[Even] when it comes to napkins, when there's an extra person, that costs extra money," she says. But Caitlin and Nathan have a trick to help them to avoid major arguments. "Usually when things are starting to get a little heated, we have to be like, 'That's enough wedding talk,'" she says. That's when they take some space, consult someone they trust—like their parents—and come back with a clear head. Eventually, laying out the numbers for Nathan, who is a fact-oriented person, helped him realize that he needed to compromise. And Caitlin did, too, after realizing she also had friends who she didn't want to miss out on her big day. In the end, Caitlin says that striving for perfection is not the point. "We just need to take a break and remember this wedding is about our marriage together," she says.
Katie, 25, and her now-husband, Matthew, agreed wholeheartedly that their Winter 2013 wedding would be filled with a crimson red, white, and black color palette. But problems arose after Matthew was tasked with finding his tuxedo and getting it altered himself. "I had already purchased the roses, and made my bouquet, and most of the boutonnieres when he finally brought his tux home," Katie says. "After looking at his 'Christmas Red' tux, I said, 'You honestly brought home a Santa suit for our wedding?!'" Matthew—who is colorblind—truly thought he had picked out the correct color for his wedding day best. But that didn't stop Katie's frustration. "I was being a bridezilla, and I wanted everything perfect, so I was furious," she recalls. Matthew finally agreed about being 'wrong' about his color choice, but Katie allowed him to win the battle because he loved the suit so much. "It was his wedding, too, and I had to step back and realize that," she says. "I agreed to change everything to match his suit."
Pull for opinions
Sometimes the biggest issue isn't butting heads about a particular topic, but getting your fiancé to weigh in at all! Rafaela, 32, says she's having trouble getting her fiancé, Scott, to weigh in about any part of the planning process, from color choices to the style of invitations or gifts. "Of course I want his opinion," Rafaela says. "So it is in that moment that we start to kind of argue." But she's found that taking control over some of these decisions has helped her along in the planning process. "Some topics of the planning are better when [I decide], and then just communicate to [him] because it will make our lives easier," she says.