When you write your own wedding vows, you're aiming for sincerity, sentiment, and the perfect words to reflect your relationship with your partner. At the same time, a lot of couples like to inject a little humor or share a sweet anecdote when making their promises. Being simultaneously funny and heartfelt isn't always an easy balance to strike. While we can't put pen to paper for you (sorry!), we can help you with what not to say.
There are certain things that are better left unsaid. For example, "I promise to always pick up my dirty underwear off the floor" might seem funny when you're writing it, but to the guests gathered at your ceremony, it will come off as TMI or like you're trying too hard be clever or funny. Your vows don't need to be overly serious, of course, but use discretion when revealing scenes from your home life.
Don't Rely Too Much on Inside Jokes
In a similar vein, calling up situations or stories that will make absolutely no sense to anyone but you two should stay in check. Yes, your vows are about the two of you, but they shouldn't also alienate the friends and family who are there to witness them. Avoid obscure anecdotes that only the two of you will get—save them for the notes you give each other on the wedding morning.
Don't Reference Sex
Because Grandma. Also because any children in attendance. Also because good taste.
Don't Make a Joke at Your Partner's Expense
Even if you mean it in good fun, saying "I promise not to get mad every time you put the dishes in the wrong cabinet" makes you seem petty. It might be a trivial issue, but if it's something you and your fiancé have fought about in the past, leave it there … in the past, that is.
Why promise that his is the only face that will make you smile when you know that's not true? Don't vow things that are simply impossible. Bottom line: Be yourself, be reasonable, and be honest, and everything else will fall into place.