You don't have as much flexibility with reply cards. Once upon a time guests replied on their own stationery. If you long for the manners and grace of the past, put R.S.V.P. in the lower left corner, or invite guests to kindly respond by a specified date. Be forewarned, though: If you try such an approach today, you will likely be stuck with no head count to give your caterer. Try to keep any prompting as simple as possible. An enclosed response card that reads "a favour of a reply is requested" by a specified date is a good choice because it still leaves room for guests to write a short message.

Ideally, you want to strike a compromise between practicality and charm for every component of your invitation. It is all a matter of what you choose to emphasize -- celebration or sanctity or a combination of the two. "I once had a customer who had been married before," says Holcomb, "she was practically in tears because she heard she'd have to use her married name on the invitation. I told her she could say whatever she wanted. The purpose of etiquette is to make things easier for people, not harder."