7 Reasons Why Guests Are RSVPing "No" to Your Wedding

When you're putting together your ideal wedding guest list, it's hard to imagine that any of your thoughtfully chosen invitees will decline. But as you start opening the response cards, you may be surprised to see that more than a few would-be guests have sent their regrets.

Don't take it personally—and don't hold a grudge against guests who can't make it. Here are seven common reasons why people RSVP "no" to a wedding, which may help you better understand what's happening with your own guest list.

Distance

You've always wanted to tie the knot on a tropical beach, so a destination wedding was an absolute must for you—or perhaps you and your fiancé moved away from your hometowns, making your local wedding a costly trip for your relatives and oldest friends.

Couples tying the knot far from their families should know that they may end up with more negative RSVPs than they initially thought. If you want to inspire people to make the trip, set up a wedding website to promote your location as an excellent spot for an extended vacation, says wedding and event planner Kelly McWilliams, who is based in Florida. "If you share lots of details about your venue and the fun things to do, visit, and explore in that city (or close by), more guests may actually consider it," she says.

Scheduling Issues

Did you wait until the last minute to send save-the-dates? Guests may already have booked travel or said yes to other weddings, especially if your big day is taking place over a holiday weekend (like Memorial Day or Labor Day)—and wedding seasons are still more jam-packed than ever, so it's possible your loved ones have already committed to attending another celebration on the very same day. "This is a reason to send a save-the-date as soon as you know the date and at least the city location. [Personally call] family members who are [live outside] of [the country] and have to get visas," says Chanda Daniels, a wedding planner based in Oakland, Calif.

Finances and Budgeting

The bride and groom aren't the only ones spending big bucks on the wedding. Guests need to budget for wedding gifts, clothing, travel costs, and more—so for some, declining your invitation may be a strategic financial decision. Couples hoping to ease financial stress for their guests can consider shoulder dates, which fall in between peak travel times, says McWilliams. "There are some locations where flights and accommodations drop by up to half in a week!" she says.

Another approach is to cover some (or all) of the weddings costs for siblings, bridal party members, or other close attendees, says Daniels. But if your budget doesn't allow that, accept their regrets and take joy in sharing your favorite moments with them after the event. "Chat with your cinema artist to create something for those important guests who were unable to attend," she says.

No Plus-Ones

Wedding etiquette suggests giving plus-one invitations to family members, close friends, and those in long-term relationships. Everyone else doesn't necessarily need a plus-one, but remember that guests arriving solo may be more likely to decline, especially if they don't know many of your other guests.

If you're planning to invite anyone on their own (like that one friend from summer camp), consider extending a plus-one as a courtesy—but don't feel pressured to do so. "Some guests are really offended if they can’t bring a plus one, but don’t worry about it—never feel pushed into inviting people you have no connection with," says Daniels.

No Kids

Some couples have a legitimate reason for hosting an adults-only celebration—you might not want those sticky little hands in an art museum or a run-happy toddler at your outdoor event. But this can also make it impossible for guests who can't find (or afford) childcare to attend, especially if your event requires the parents to stay overnight.

"This is one that I find my clients struggle with the most, especially if it means someone close to them can't or won't make it," says McWilliams. Don't let this ruin your friendship, though: Have an open and honest conversation to make sure there are no hard feelings on either side. Your guests shouldn't make you feel bad about having the wedding you want, and you should accept their decision to politely decline.

RSVP Date Isn't Clear

Don't underestimate the importance of your wedding invitation's wording. If you don't prompt guests to RSVP, they may not find it necessary. Make sure to give clear instructions on the card, such as, "Kindly reply by July 14," or "Please respond by the first of September."

If you're still awaiting replies a few days after the RSVP card due date, call the invitees to figure out their plans. "It's always a given that you will have to call the guests who didn't reply in time," says Daniels. "I would show some grace here. Different generations see an RSVP differently."

When you reach out, give your guest a polite out by assuming that the invitation or RSVP is stuck in Postal Service limbo. "The USPS is not as trusty as we'd all like it to be. Invitations do get lost or severely delayed—same for RSVPs," says McWilliams. Use a script like, "We found a few of our invited guests didn’t receive their invitations. I wanted to check with you to see if yours arrived?" she says. "That way your guest can pass the blame to lost mail versus being the slacker who didn’t respond."

Distant Relationships

You may be tempted to send a wedding invitation to every friend you've ever had, from college roommates to childhood neighbors. Although some long-lost friends may love the opportunity to reconnect at your wedding, others may not be willing to spend the time and money to attend—or they might prefer to catch up one-on-one instead of at a large event. Your parents might have also encouraged you to add distant relatives, your first grade teacher, or their favorite coworkers to your list. Don't be surprised by these regrets, says Daniels. "Most couples already know about this no!" she says. "Some invites are just out of family courtesy."