As much as you love that man you excitedly walked down the aisle to say "I do!" to, there are times when you may forget why you married him. Especially when it feels like you've asked him 100 times to get his socks off of the couch and into the wash, or when he takes out the trash to be helpful but leaves a trail of who-knows-what on the kitchen floor. As thankful as you are that you finally found the love of your life, you might find yourself wishing that your partner was a little less, well, annoying sometimes.
First and foremost, take solace knowing that even in the happiest of marriages, bickering, fighting, and general disagreements are all part of the game, and it's rare that any two people, romantically-involved or not, would get along 24/7. That being said, if your temper gets the best of you (no judgement!), it's important to choose your battles wisely and to develop effective self-soothing methods to keep you from boiling over and saying some not-so-nice insults you'll later regret. Just like you might be asked to do in a yoga class or by your therapist, choosing an affirmation that encourages you to step back, collect yourself, and refocus is helpful. Here, some phrases that will help you cool down fast.
"This is only temporary."
Maybe taking on a home renovation project a mere month into your marriage wasn't the smartest of choices, but here you are, covered in sheetrock and feeling a lot less like Joanna Gaines than you envisioned. If you quickly realized your new hubby is focused on the budget and is harping on every penny spent so thoroughly that you can't pick up his favorite takeout without getting questioned, remind yourself that in life (and in home repair) everything is only temporary. This will help you realize the bigger picture, and hopefully keep you from throwing the curly fries.
"I love him because..."
You're not always going to be able to censor yourself before lashing out at your partner mid-argument, but if you're starting to type a snarky text message, put down your phone and change your mindset. While you can list off all of the reasons why he's currently stressing you out, we're sure you can also come up with a few reminders of why you love him. Even if they aren't those great, big gestures that felt prickled with magic when you first started dating, they're likely cemented in the little stuff that matters. And hey, that's more important than the fact that he told your mother-in-law to stay for a few weeks, right?
Though every fitness instructor in every class you'll ever take will remind you to inhale and exhale your way through the cardio (and strength and endurance) section. The same goes for nearly every other part of your life, including your marriage. In those moments where you're ready to explode—like when he left out last night's dinner and the dog got into it—taking a literal pause will help you express your frustration in a more effective, calm way.
"Is this him or me?"
Not quite an affirmation, but a way to ground you in real-time instead of bringing in every other stressor in your life, this question can keep you from taking out your anxiety on your partner. If a meeting at work didn't quite go as seamlessly as you wanted or you got into an unfortunate G-chat fight with a friend, you might come home and get mad at your husband for just about anything he does. This is when it's important to separate your relationship from what's going on with you personally.
"We can do this."
You likely wouldn't appreciate one another as much as you do without any tests to your relationship, but when those rough waters challenge you to stay afloat, you might doubt your ability to work together. Especially if your stress level is at an all-time high, you might jump to the darkest of conclusions at the minor hiccup or silent nights-out type of fight. In these moments, do all of the above—breathe, repeat kind words—and then seal the deal with "we can do this." More likely than not, you totally can.