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How to Tactfully Determine Whose Family You Spend Your First Married Mother's Day With

This is how to split the day between your mom and mother-in-law.

Contributing Writer
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Photography by: James Moes

Mother's Day is all about celebrating and honoring the woman who lights up your life with endless love and support. But once you tie the knot, you'll likely have two motherly figures in your life: a mom and a mother-in-law. Deciding which lovely lady to spend Mother's Day with can be tough. Before making Mother's Day plans, talk to your husband about the available options. Sometimes deciding who to spend the day with is easy; maybe one of your mothers lives across the country, and an expensive weekend visit is out of the question. Or perhaps one family celebrates Mother's Day early to accommodate for work schedules or long-held traditions. If both you and your husband generally spend the day with mom, though, compromise may be necessary. For guidance on this tricky scenario, read our guide for determining who to spend your first married Mother's Day with.

 

Remember that every family has a different relationship, so one Mother's Day solution won't work for every couple. Factors such as distance, financial situation, and family tradition may also come into play. Plus, if you and your husband have any children, you may want to spend some of the day with them as well as your parents.

 

How Should You Introduce the Future In-Laws?

 

Split the Day (or the Weekend) Between Mothers

If you live near both your mom and mother-in-law, consider splitting Mother's Day between the two ladies. Of course, the logistics will depend on the plans of each family. If your mother-in-law throws an annual Mother's Day brunch, consider attending that and then spend the evening with your own mother. Another option? Take one mother to a matinee show and host a cookout for the other that night.

 

In the event that mom and mother-in-law live a bit further apart, you may decide to spend one day of Mother's Day weekend with each woman. That way, you'll have an equal amount of time with both important ladies. Just be sure that the parent who gets a Saturday celebration doesn't feel like she came in second place.

 

Switch Celebrations Every Year

Some couples divide holidays between their respective families; for example, Thanksgiving and Easter with his family, Christmas and Independence Day with her family. When you split up the holidays, you might want to consider adding Mother's Day into this division schedule, too—especially if travel plans and vacation days come into play. A better idea may be to switch families each Mother's Day. Spending this year with your mother and next year with your mother-in-law (then switching every year thereafter) can help both women feel included. Make sure to explain the scenario beforehand, and compensate with an extra-special gift or flower bouquet for the mother who must wait to celebrate with you until next year.

 

Throw One Big Mother's Day Bash

To celebrate with both mothers at once, consider inviting them—and your families—to one big Mother's Day bash at your home. Whether it's a brunch or a backyard BBQ, the event will allow you to celebrate with both families without having to make separate plans with your mother and mother-in-law. Plus, you can recruit siblings and fathers to help coordinate the celebration!

 

Before throwing a combined bash, though, think about your own family situation. If the mothers haven't met yet, or if they don't always get along, don't force a joint party.  

 

Spend the Day with Your Respective Mothers

What if both your mother and mother-in-law value alone time with their children on Mother's Day? Then you and your husband may opt to spend the day with your respective families. Explain the situation to both mothers, and make sure neither will get offended by the split. Even better, both you and your husband can write a heartfelt note to your mother-in-law—with a heartwarming gift to boot—to make up for the absence.

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About the Author

Nicole Harris

Nicole fell in love with the bridal industry after a summer internship with Martha Stewart Weddings. Although she's still a couple of years away from tying the knot, she can't help planning her own Big Day. She's crazy about creative DIY décor, classic lace gowns, colorful invitations, and huge (preferably endless) dessert spreads. Until it's time to pick her first dance song, though,...

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