What to Do if Your Groom and Maid of Honor Don't Get Along

What to do when your right-hand lady isn't exactly fond of your husband-to-be. 

Contributing Writer
Photography by: Jamie Grill/ Getty Images

This can create conflict in many unexpected ways throughout the planning phases, and may also present some awkwardness during the ceremony and reception. Certified Master Life and Relationship Coach Amie Leadingham presents ways to handle your maid of honor's distaste for your fiancé with care.  


Keep open communication.

Your marriage is a lifelong commitment, so if your maid of honor is having an issue about your fiancé, it would be worth understanding her hesitation, Leadingham says. "Listen to her concerns. Let your friend know you understand that she's coming from a place of love," she adds. "You should also point out that in order to be happy, what you really need is a friend that supports you and trusts your decisions, even if they don't align with hers." 


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Clarify what's expected if she agrees to be your MOH. 

"Always pre-plan what you're going to say," Leadingham says, adding that emotions can run high in this situation, and you don't want to say something you'll regret afterward. Leadingham also suggests preparing a list of duties beforehand, consisting of items that will support you logistically or emotionally, she says. "The key is to ensure her feelings and ideas are being brought into the equation in a positive way … The more she is involved with her ideas, collaborated with yours, the more she will feel important, special, and grateful," Leadingham says. But, she insists that it's just as important to remember that this is your big day, and "nobody should be around you that doesn't fully support you." 


Understand what happens if she decides to decline.

Leadingham suggests openly giving her the option to say no, then have a back-up plan to ask someone else to carry on the MOH duties. "This way you've honored your friendship, and now you are free to find someone that will honor your marriage. Make sure your expectations are tapered so if she does say no, you are OK with it," she says. 


Fill in the bridesmaids …

Honesty is the best policy, Leadingham insists. Plus, your bridesmaids can be your back-up squad in case of frustration or anxiety around the any part of wedding process. "They are your good friends at the end of the day, so supporting you and your MOH is their biggest duty!" she says. "Just ask them if they can help the situation if any issues should arise, [and] come up with an action plan to mitigate any problems." 

Ensure the wedding and reception goes smoothly.

The secret is plan, plan, plan. "If you can, hire a wedding planner to help you with the whole process and plan MOH duties with that person," Leadingham says. "Also, if you know your MOH is particularly good at one area, like party planning or connecting people, then ask her to take on those roles. Be specific here." Leadingham adds that if negative feelings are present, it's possible to navigate the ceremony and reception so that they don't come out at your wedding. "Put her in a position for success," she says. 


How seriously should you take your MOH's reservations about your hubby-to-be? 

While it's important to understand what your MOH's point of view, especially if other friends or family members carry the same opinion, it's most important to "set aside the butterflies," take a look inward, and ask yourself the serious question: "Will I still be happy 10 years from now?" Leadingham says. "At the end of day, it's your choice and everyone's judgment doesn't matter, but you do want to make sure you're making the right choice," she adds. "Once you have come to your own conclusion based on all the facts, then the decision will be an easy one, and the wedding day will be successful." 

About the Author

Cassie Neiden

As a guest who will never leave with a dry eye, Cassie finds sentiment in the little details that make a wedding day special. When she's not hobnobbing with floral growers for an industry publication, she's scouring Cleveland for the best food, fitness, and fashion the city has to offer. Her work has appeared in Greenhouse Management, Cleveland Magazine, Garden Center, and...


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