5 Reasons Why Arguing Can Actually Be Good for Your Relationship

No one wants to have a fight with a SO, but just because you have one doesn't mean the two of you are doomed. In fact, having a blow up in an overall healthy relationship can help move it forward. "Arguments show that both individuals are very invested in each other and the outcome of the relationship," says Lori Salkin, dating coach and matchmaker in New York City, who noticed that couples tend to have a big row shortly before the engagement ring makes an appearance. Read on to see what other silver linings can come from a fight.

Photography by: JGI/Jamie Grill

Arguments help us open up.

Very rarely does a person just combust with some sort of complaint. As we know, all too well, an argument tends to be the product of festering emotions and pet peeves. Having a heated discussion can be devastating and heartbreaking, but that's probably because you're getting to the root of your feelings. Try to remember that honesty is the best policy, and as long as you proceed cautiously, talking about what bothers you can be proactive and not hurtful.

Arguments help us move forward.

Notice how you don't dwell on a spat with a roommate, but when it comes to your partner the same type of fight can feel like some sort of apocalypse? That's because you're in it for the long haul, not a six-month lease. Take advantage of this situation to discuss all the minor things that could have caused this disagreement in the first place—that way they won't be brushed aside and built up into something that could get in a way of a healthy relationship in the future.

Arguments help set priorities and reinforce beliefs.

Prior to becoming a couple, you focus on your own life and what's important to you. Entering a partnership, on the other hand, means that you both need to be on the same page when it comes to the big things in life. "In a healthy relationship one does not just tell the other, 'We are going to do things like this,'" says Salkin. "By realizing each other's perspective, you can respect the differences and better explain your own viewpoints."

Arguments help validate your love.

You can love someone and want to pull your hair out at the same time (we suppose that's what it means to love unconditionally). He is going to do things that will drive you crazy and you're going to want to walk out—but you won't—because at the end of the day, you know that whatever the argument was about, it is not as important as the connection between you two.

Arguments show that relationships are real.

Remember how you swooned over Leo DiCaprio's rendition of Romeo? But what do you think would have happened to him and Juliet in an alternate ending, the one where they have three kids and he runs the Montague dynasty? We bet they'd have at least a couple of fights a year. The truth is, we're imperfect humans and every relationship has its ups and downs. "Arguing leads to learning to talk and work through issues," adds Salkin. "And that will ultimately create a real, healthy marriage." The good news: you can still have a fairy tale on your wedding day.


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