A gift for the parents is discretionary. But unless you want to start a War of the Roses, both mothers should receive an offering of approximate equal monetary value if you decide to give one. That doesn’t mean you can’t personalize your mom’s with something meaningful and special, like an engraved dual frame with side-by-side photos from your big day and hers, or a handkerchief bearing a hand-embroidered message. Words say a lot, too—a heartfelt letter acknowledging her role will also go a long way.

The key is to ask for specific assistance. Generalities like “I need help! There’s tons to do!” sound vast and ominous. However, statements like, “Let’s go hear some music!” sound manageable, and even enjoyable. Create a timeline of to-dos so that you both know exactly what has to be done and when. Then pick tasks he’ll enjoy, such as selecting the menu or planning the honeymoon. Also, see if he’s willing to pitch in on the not-so-fun activities, like getting the guest list excel sheet in tip-top shape or proofreading the invitation.

Address save-the-dates exactly as you would the inner envelope of a wedding invitation. That means “and Guest” if friends are welcome to bring a companion whose name you don’t know, and listing the children or simply writing “The Smith Family” when the whole gang is invited. Not only is that proper etiquette, it also gives people the information they need to plan ahead (like whether they need to hire a babysitter for the event).

A wrist corsage is only as old-fashioned as its design. To give yours a modern look, try a flower that is big and elegant, like a gardenia or a flat garden rose, and opt for a ribbon base over an elastic band. Or, try something entirely different, like a flower tucked in the back of upswept hair. For this, gardenias, garden roses, or cattleya orchids work nicely with rose leaves, camellia, or galax to add a little greenery. Another option is to carry a small nosegay of lily of the valley, muscari, violets, or sweet peas. That way, you can pick up the bouquet for photos and the processional, and leave it on the table when it’s time to hit the dance floor.

The good news is, she's your mom. She’s probably been plenty honest with you on other occasions. So voice your opinion, but do it gently—and specifically. Point out one aspect of the dress that is not the most flattering, such as, ‘The color washes you out.’ Then, turn the situation into an opportunity to have a fun shopping day together. That way, you're offering help and bonding time instead of just criticism. One note of caution: If it’s your mother-in-law’s dress that you hate, it’s probably best to keep your opinion to yourself for the sake of your future relationship.

Once people have publicly declared their social status—by marrying, getting engaged, or moving in together—they should be invited as a unit. Include spouses, fiancés, and live-in partners on your invitations. It can be trickier when you’re dealing with longtime couples who don’t cohabitate, especially if you’re not good friends with both people. Try setting a no exceptions cutoff: If a couple has been dating less than a year, only the partner you’re close to is invited, for example. Or, include the significant other only if one of you has met him or her. Just explain that your numbers are limited and your friends won’t take this personally.

You don’t need to run all over town delivering gifts. This sort of attention is one of the perks guests sacrifice when they find their own lodging. But if several people are staying in the same place and you only have to make one additional trip, drop off the goodies for them too. Or, greet all the guests who have traveled with something easy, like packets of maps, lists of activities, and handwritten notes to the different locations.

It’s perfectly okay to invite some people only to the party. As far as the invitations go, everything, including the save-the-dates and response cards, should focus on the reception. The ceremony shouldn’t be mentioned, so steer clear of ambiguous expressions like, “celebrate our wedding.” To invite a select few to your vow exchange, include an extra slip in their invitations requesting their presence. It’s important to tell these guests that the ceremony will be very small, so they don't gush about it in front of non-invitees. If any reception–only guests ask you why they weren’t invited, explain that it’s for immediate family only and that you hope they’ll make it to the party.

When someone does this, it’s time to pick up the phone. Let them know your list is restricted and that you don’t have room for guests of guests. Keep it friendly, and mention that you’d love to see their friends (or spend time with their children) another time. Be delicate, but don’t back down.

Guests who want to celebrate your marriage will make the effort to be there no matter what day you pick. But a Sunday wedding could interfere with a Monday workday for traveling attendees. If you have a lot of out-of-towners, consider a daytime affair, like a festive brunch; those who want to fly home on Sunday night can still do so. Whatever you decide, send out save-the-dates at least six months prior to give invitees plenty of time to deal with logistics—and maybe even ask for Monday off!

In a word: No. The only proper way not to invite them is to simply not write their names on the envelope when addressing the invite. It is not gracious to say, essentially, “some people are not invited” on your invitation. Go ahead and mention the situation in any of the extra materials you might send; the save-the-dates and hotel information can say, “Since children won’t be invited to the ceremony and reception, please let us know whether you will need help finding a babysitter.” Or, call the parents on the list before you address the invitations to inform them that children will not be invited and ask if they need help finding a babysitter. That way you can smooth any ruffled feathers ahead of time.

Make a phone call immediately after the deadline to anyone who hasn’t responded, especially because a lack of responses might indicate either the invitation or the reply has gone astray. If that’s a lot of phone calls, delegate this task to loved ones. If you end up playing phone tag, leave a message in your second phone call that says, “If we don’t hear from you by Thursday, we’ll put you down as a no. Sorry to miss you.”

Even though having everyone participate so fully in the day would be festive, dictating your guests’ attire is stepping slightly into control-freak territory. The key lies in how you ask. Save-the-dates are the appropriate place to make this kind of suggestion; use a casual phrase like, “We’re hoping everyone will indulge us and dress in …” If you want to communicate your wish on the actual invitation, don’t use the classic format for attire info (e.g. “black tie”). Put it on a separate slip of paper, dialing down the pressure and emphasizing the sense of personalization. Alternately, you can spread the word in person or via a friendly group email.

Don’t wait. Your friends and family are probably eager to know that their presents have arrived safely and whether you like them. Ideally, thank-you notes should be written within a few days of receiving a present; only when many of them arrive at once are you allowed a longer grace period. Not only is writing these notes now polite, but it will save you time in the long run.