Once upon a time, the bachelorette party was a simple gathering at someone’s home or in a bar organized by friends of the bride as a gift to her. Those who attended paid their own way and split the bride’s expenses.
Brides have always expressed their preferences, but more and more brides are planning their bachelorette parties, which are increasingly much more involved—and costly for those who attend. If the bride wants to do more than express a preference, then she needs to do the work of organizing, and she should pay her own way. And she can’t pressure her friends or attendants to attend.
If the bride accepts the offer of a bachelorette party from her friends, she can express preferences only, and leave the planning up to the hosts.