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The decisions have all been made, and your guests have arrived in town. It's the eve of your wedding and time to relax before the excitement of the day dawns. The rehearsal dinner is a wonderful opportunity to savor this special moment with good friends and family in an intimate setting. Get our answers to common rehearsal dinner questions.
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Before the dinner can happen, anyone who plays a role in the ceremony should attend the wedding rehearsal. This includes the officiant, the wedding party, readers, and parents. Walk through the ceremony, establishing the pace and timing, in the order each element will occur, and make sure all of the participants know their responsibilities. Bring the unity candle or anything else you will want to have in place for the following day. It's also smart to have some programs and copies of any readings on hand for people to follow along.
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The Location and Style
Depending on the guest list and budget, and the wishes of the hosts, the event can be anything from a formal banquet to a casual outdoor affair. The style of the rehearsal dinner can complement the wedding, but it should not copy or overshadow it. Some couples opt for a complete contrast. For example, a backyard picnic can be a casual foil to a black-tie wedding.
Many rehearsal dinners are held at restaurants—perhaps a favorite date spot or someplace with a style of cuisine that has special meaning to the bride and groom. If Italy is the honeymoon destination, for example, an Italian restaurant would be fitting. A place that showcases local flavor, such as Kansas City barbecue, Chicago deep-dish pizza, or Maine lobster, is a good way to introduce guests to the area.
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The rehearsal dinner is typically held the night before the wedding, directly after the ceremony run-through. Despite its name, however, it can be a lunch, or even a brunch, if you like; and its pace is often informal and leisurely. But if it is a dinner, keep in mind that the party should end somewhat early, to give everyone a chance to get plenty of rest before the big day.
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Traditionally, the groom's parents are the hosts of the rehearsal dinner, since the bride's family customarily pays for the wedding. But given the more relaxed standards of modern times, other relatives, close friends, or even the couple themselves can plan and pay for the event. Whoever throws the party should definitely confer with the bride and groom to avoid any conflict with the theme, menu, or decorations of the wedding.
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The Guest List
Only those who will actually take part in the rehearsal—the bride and groom, their parents, the officiant, the wedding party (including any child attendants), and readers—plus their spouses or dates, need to be invited to the rehearsal itself and the festivities that follow. But the guest list for the dinner may be longer. You might want to include other family members (such as grandparents) and close friends, for example. And many couples invite their out-of-town guests as well, making the dinner into a welcoming party.
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Written invitations are not required, but still it's a good idea to send them if more than just family will be attending; and the host should mail them right after the wedding invitations go out. The invitations are not as formal as those for a wedding but can reflect its tone.
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The Seating Chart
Because it's typically the first time the bride and groom see most of their close friends and family together, the rehearsal dinner can feel like a reunion. For a more formal dinner, or one with a larger guest list, it helps to have a seating chart so people aren't at a loss about where to go when it's time for the meal to be served. Furthermore, some members of the two families may be meeting for the first time, and relatives may not be acquainted with everyone in the wedding party. Encourage conversation by seating these people together (if you're sure they'll be comfortable), or simply make a point of introducing them personally sometime during the evening.
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Toasts are often a big part of the evening, and unlike those at the wedding reception, where the order may be well planned, rehearsal dinner toasts tend to be spontaneous. In this intimate and casual setting, guests will often feel comfortable sharing their memories of the couple and wishing them well. If the groom's parents are hosting, his father might begin by welcoming all the guests and offering a toast to the bride and groom. The father of the bride can stand next, followed by the attendants and any other guests who want to speak.
During the toasts, the bride and groom have a chance to say a few words of thanks to all of the people taking part in the wedding. This is also the traditional time for them to present gifts to the members of the wedding party (and perhaps the parents) to thank them for their support.
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Most guests will be traveling to our wedding. Should we invite them all to the rehearsal dinner?
Only people at the actual ceremony run-through—the bride and groom, their parents, the officiant, attendants, and readers—plus their dates, must be included in the meal that follows. But if your budget allows, it's a friendly gesture (and a fun time) to invite all out-of-towners, or locals and travelers alike, and turn it into a welcome reception. Or, you could dine with the wedding party only, then ask everyone else to join for drinks or dessert. At the very least, give far-flung guests restaurant or bar recs so they can gather elsewhere on their own.